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EveryParampara

Death and mourning

Every culture has a way to say goodbye.

Every culture has a way to say goodbye. Funeral customs prepare the body, gather the family and community, speak the words that give comfort and mark the weeks and years that follow. They differ greatly: burial within a day in Islam and Judaism, cremation on a riverbank in India, a jazz band in New Orleans, a sky burial in Tibet, a wake with food and song in Ireland. What they share is a wish to treat the dead with dignity and to hold the living together while they grieve. Here is how it is done around the world, described as the people who keep these customs would describe them.

What it is for

A funeral does several jobs at once. It honours the person, it carries out the duties required by faith, and it gives mourners a shared structure when they are least able to arrange anything. It also announces the death and brings the community to the family's side. The weeks that follow, with visits, meals and set days of remembrance, let grief be spoken. Many traditions teach that the dead need help to move on, through prayer, food or offerings, and so the funeral is also a work of care for the person who has died.

Common elements across cultures

The body is washed and dressed or wrapped, then watched over until the burial or cremation. Prayers or readings are said, and the community comes to pay respects. Dress is usually dark, though white is worn in many parts of Asia and Africa. A meal follows, often given by friends and neighbours. Mourning rules, such as the Jewish seven days of shiva or the Hindu thirteen days, set aside a time for grief. Anniversaries are marked at fixed points, such as forty days, one year or each year after, with prayers, a meal or a visit to the grave.

Food, dress and music

Food at funerals is often simple and practical, as neighbours bring meals so that the family need not cook. Examples are the Jewish meal of condolence with eggs and lentils, funeral potatoes in the United States, kolyva wheat in Orthodox Christian rites and sweet rice in Japan. Music ranges from the quiet chant of a psalm or sutra to the brass band and second line of New Orleans, or the drums and dance of a Ghanaian funeral. Colour is a strong signal: black in Europe, white in China and India, and in some parts of Africa bright cloth printed with the person's face.

How it is changing

Cremation has become more common in many places, and some families scatter ashes at a place that meant something to the person. Funerals are more personal, with photographs, favourite songs and stories replacing a fixed script. Services are live-streamed for those who cannot travel, and online memorials let friends leave tributes. Many people now plan their own funerals in advance. At the same time there is a renewed interest in older practices, such as home funerals, green burial and the shiva visit, which many people find a comfort in an age of distance.

Death and mourning around the world

🇮🇳 India

Hindus cremate the dead, usually within a day, with the eldest son lighting the pyre, and the ashes are immersed in a river such as the Ganges at Varanasi. A thirteen-day period of mourning follows, closing with a feast.

Read: Antyesti

🇳🇵 Nepal

Kathmandu's Pashupatinath temple hosts cremations on the Bagmati River, and Newar families carry out elaborate rites on the 4th, 13th and 45th days. Sky burial is also practised in the high Himalaya.

Pashupatinath Temple, being written

🇹🇭 Thailand

Buddhist funerals involve a week or more of chanting at a temple, with monks and relatives, and cremation with a fine wooden pyre. Guests may receive a small book or gift in the name of the dead person.

Read: Thai funeral

🇨🇳 China

Mourners wear white and give money in white envelopes, with incense and paper offerings burned for the afterlife. In some regions there are funeral bands, a mourning period of 49 days and a visit to the grave at Qingming.

Read: Chinese funeral rituals

🇲🇳 Mongolia

Traditional Mongolian and Tibetan Buddhist practice includes sky burial, in which the body is left on the open steppe or mountain, an act of generosity to the birds and a return to nature. The family leaves the place without a marker, and the practice is gradually giving way to burial in the cities.

Read: Sky burial

🇮🇱 Israel

Jewish funerals take place as soon as possible, with a plain wooden coffin or shroud, the Kaddish prayer and seven days of shiva at the family home. Visitors bring food and sit with the mourners.

Shiva, being written

Compare all 18 places

Traditions to start with

Also part of it, and being written: Shiva (Seven days of mourning.), Tangihanga (The Maori funeral at the marae.).

Questions people ask

What should I wear to a funeral?

Dark, modest clothing is the safe choice in most places, but follow the family's lead. White is worn in China, in India and in some Hindu and Buddhist rites, and some families request bright colours.

Why do some traditions bury quickly?

Islam and Judaism teach that the dead should be buried promptly, as an act of respect, so the funeral usually takes place within a day or two. Others hold the body for days to let relatives arrive.

What is a wake?

A gathering, usually before the funeral, at which people sit with the body or the family, share food and tell stories. It is an Irish word, but similar customs are found in many cultures.

What do people say to the bereaved?

Simple words of sympathy, such as "I am sorry for your loss", are welcome everywhere. Faith-based phrases vary, and it is fine to ask the family or follow the others around you.

Are there rules about flowers?

Yes. White chrysanthemums are for funerals in Japan and parts of Europe, lilies in many Christian settings, and flowers are not given at Jewish or some Muslim funerals. When in doubt, ask or donate to a charity.

About this page

Written by the EveryParampara desk with AI assistance. Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

Death and mourning on EveryParampara

The traditions written up so far, best known first.

🇨🇳 Puyang, ChinaFeng shui風水 The Chinese spatial practice of aligning homes and graves with natural energyFolklore 🇨🇺 CubaAbakuá An Afro-Cuban initiatory brotherhood rooted in West African sacred traditionsSpiritual 🇭🇳 Honduras and 4 morePunta A lively dance and music style of the Garifuna people, celebrated in Central America and the Caribbean.Performance 🇱🇹 LithuaniaVėlinės A Lithuanian remembrance day honouring deceased souls with cemetery prayers and candlesSpiritual 🇱🇻 LatviaDaina Short, traditional Latvian folk songs and verses sung across the human life cyclePerformance 🇬🇭 Ntɔnso, Ghana and 1 moreAdinkra symbols Symbols of the Akan people, stamped on cloth, each one carrying a proverbCraft 🇮🇳 India and 5 morePretaप्रेत Offerings and rites for spirits enduring deep hunger across Asian traditions.Spiritual 🇮🇪 Waterford, IrelandSean-nós singingSean-nós An unaccompanied, highly ornamented style of traditional Irish folk singingPerformance 🇰🇷 Jeju, South KoreaGut굿 Sacred rites of song, dance, and spirit communion performed by Korean shamansSpiritual 🇳🇵 Kathmandu, NepalGai JatraSā Pāru (𑐳𑐵𑐥𑐵𑐬𑐸) A Newar festival in the Kathmandu Valley to honor relatives who died that year through processions and satire.Festival 🇨🇳 China and 5 moreAncestor worship Honouring dead relatives with offerings and prayers, kept in many cultures worldwideSpiritual 🇨🇳 ChinaChinese funeral rituals Traditional rites of mourning, vigils, offerings, and ancestor veneration across ChinaRite of passage 🇰🇷 South KoreaKorean traditional funeral A multi-day ritual blending Confucian rites and shamanic practices to guide the deceased to the afterlife.Rite of passage 🇵🇱 Poland and 5 moreZaduszkiZaduszki, Dzień Zaduszny A Polish day of prayer for the dead on 2 November, kept with candles at the gravesSpiritual 🇲🇼 Malawi and 2 moreGule Wamkulu A masked Chewa dance of the Nyau society, danced at funerals and chief installationsPerformance 🇨🇳 China and 5 moreAncestor veneration Honouring dead relatives with offerings, meals and prayers, kept in cultures worldwideSpiritual 🇨🇳 China and 5 moreJoss paper金紙 (jīnzhǐ) Paper money burned for ancestors and gods, folded and offered in Chinese worshipSpiritual 🇮🇹 Rome, ItalyFeraliaFerālia An ancient Roman day of offerings to the dead, marking the close of ParentaliaSpiritual 🇿🇦 Cape Town, South Africa and 5 moreTooth ablation A global custom of deliberately removing healthy teeth for social, ritual, or aesthetic reasons.Rite of passage 🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreCorpse road Historical paths used to carry the dead to parish burial grounds across Britain and Ireland.Rite of passage 🇬🇧 United KingdomBean-nighe A Scottish spirit of the streams who washes shrouds to foretell deathFolklore 🇫🇷 France and 5 moreRespite SanctuarySanctuaire à répit A historical Catholic custom of seeking brief revival to baptise stillborn infantsSpiritual

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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